• “Don’t call her back right away.” 
• “After the 5th date, things should get physical.” 
• “If I cook, you should do the dishes.” 
• “I expect to be engaged after a year of dating.” 
• “One of us should be home with the kids.” 
• “I expect to be taken care of.”  

 
We all have rules and expectations.  We haul them into our relationships whether we like it or not-it’s called “baggage” for a reason.  Sometimes the rules/expectations are generic – rules that are true for most because they are social/cultural expectations.  Sometimes they are idiosyncratic – rules that evolve but the reasons behind them are unclear.  
 
 
Rules, whether they be generic or idiosyncratic are either explicit or implicit.  Our explicit rules are the “dos” and “don’ts” that we can name.  We also know the consequences when these expectations are not met.  The implicit rules are the unwritten “should” and “shouldn’ts”.  These rules present a different challenge in relationships.  It may not be until these rules are broken that we realize their presence in our lives and how important they are to our happiness.  For example, have you ever become angry because it took your partner longer than you expected to respond to a text message or phone call?
 
 
How we manage our rules and those of our partner is important.  When expectations do not coincide, the relationship may become strained.  Navigating the rules of the relationship is challenging especially when the rules are unknown and/or not discussed.  How often do you think about your relationship rules and what you expect?  Could you name your rules and the consequences when the rules are broken?  Do you know where your rules came from and why they are so important? Can you name your partner’s rules and expectations?  Do you know what happens when your partner’s rules are broken?
 
 
It is common that we do not discuss our “dos” and “don’ts”. However understanding our expectations and sharing them with our partner is probably one of the most beneficial things you can do in your relationship. At Equilibria Psychological and Consultation Services, we have experienced therapists that work with couples and individuals to aid in clarifying relationship expectations, ultimately leading to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.  If you would like to find out more about our services, please do not hesitate to contact us at 267-861-3685 x91.