Anger is ok.  It is our Anger Style – how we choose to handle anger that can be a problem.  Though there is reason why we may stuff or even increase our anger, these anger styles (stuffing & escalating) are not productive ways to handle anger. Managing anger and using it in positive ways can be tough but also rewarding.  When you express your anger openly, honestly and directly you are effectively managing your anger.  
 
In order to manage your anger, keep the following in mind:

• You’re allowed to be angry.
• Before sharing what made you angry – evaluate what happened – what triggered you?
  • Is this the best time to share your feelings?
  • Consider your reasons for sharing your anger? What are you looking to have happen?
• Set a time limit to discuss your anger.
• Be aware of your verbal and non-verbal language.
• Avoid blaming or attacking the other person.
• Focus on the specific event or actions that made you angry
  • Don’t bring in old issues now.
• Avoid absolutes – “you always”, “you never”
  • Instead speak to specific events.
• Use “I” statements.  “I got angry when...”  “I am angry that and that makes me feel….”
• Check in with the other person to see if they understand your point.
• Don’t say or do anything that you’ll regret later
• Stop if you become overwhelmed.  It’s ok to come back to the issues.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.

 
Besides open, honest, and direct communication there are other productive ways to manage your anger, such as:

• Physical activity
• Goal setting to deal with the problem
• Writing a letter
  • Compose a letter to the person you’re angry with.  You can release your feelings and then not send the letter.
• Talking to an empty chair
  • Pretend the person you’re angry with is in the chair in front of you.  You can say what is bothering you without fear of their reaction.
• Relaxation techniques
• Positive-self talk
  • Reminding yourself that you’re entitled to your anger.
  • Reminding yourself that you can manage your anger in a positive way. 
  • “This too shall pass.” – Reminding yourself that this feeling and situation will not last forever.
• Radical acceptance
  • Acknowledging that certain people and situations can add to our anger.

 
Managing your anger can be difficult especially if you’ve learned a certain style.  However negative styles can be unlearned.  It is possible to learn how to manage anger. Equilibria Psychological and Consultation Services has experienced therapists that work with individuals to help them learn how to deal with anger and other powerful emotions. Learning how to manage anger can help provide a richer sense of self and thereby building richer relationships. If you would like to find out more about our services, please do not hesitate to contact us at 267-861-3685.